I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
