The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
