Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
