someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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