i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dicks are not precious.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
