so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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