I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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