I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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