My boss' voice literally gives me gas
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
