Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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