i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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