I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
