I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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