It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't put those talents on a resume
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
