If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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