Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
