Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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