found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
