his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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