i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
