I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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