My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
