Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
