..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
