you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
