i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
