Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
