I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
