hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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