why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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