It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
