when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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