There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
