What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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