I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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