the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
