Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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