She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
this beer tastes like vomit already
meet me or not, i'm out of control
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
