final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
