I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
