oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
