I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
