My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
