No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
