Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He did a backflip because drugs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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