so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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