everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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