I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
