you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
