I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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