what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
